NSIDE VOICES 2.
What is Truth?
REAL JACKOBAT:
Before we begin, I want to ask a simple question: what is truth?
PUMPKIN JACKOBAT:
Ohoho! Pontius Pilate over here. Starting with the final boss, are we?
Truth is like a cat — it ignores you until it wants something, then suddenly it’s all over your lap, shedding paradoxes.
REAL:
That’s not an answer.
PUMPKIN:
It is if you’ve ever owned a cat.
REAL:
I prefer accuracy.
PUMPKIN:
That’s why you’re boring at parties.
REAL:
I don’t go to parties.
PUMPKIN:
Exactly my point.
REAL:
Truth should be something stable. Something reliable.
PUMPKIN:
Stable? Reliable? My friend, the human mind can’t even reliably remember where it put its keys yesterday.
You expect it to handle the cosmic nature of truth?
REAL:
Well, someone has to attempt it.
PUMPKIN:
And that someone absolutely should NOT be the species that invented flavored toothpaste.
…REAL:
You’re avoiding the question.
PUMPKIN:
I’m SHOWMANSHIP-ING the question.
Truth deserves a performance!
If truth walked into a room, you’d hand it a clipboard.
I’d hand it a microphone.
REAL:
Yes. And then truth would leave immediately.
PUMPKIN:
Only if it has stage fright.
REAL:
Let me rephrase. Is truth objective or subjective?
PUMPKIN:
Yes.
REAL:
That’s not— you can’t just say “yes.”
PUMPKIN:
Oh, I absolutely can. It’s my greatest strength.
Truth is objective until someone has an emotion about it, and then boom—subjective confetti everywhere.
REAL:
Confetti?
PUMPKIN:
Emotional debris. Hard to sweep up.
REAL:
You’re suggesting humans distort truth.
PUMPKIN:
Of course they do! Humans distort everything.
Give a human a simple stick and in 30 seconds it becomes a weapon, a symbol, a toy, a crutch, a wand, a memory from childhood, or a lawsuit waiting to happen.
REAL:
And what does that say about truth?
PUMPKIN:
That truth is lucky to survive the day without being turned into a t-shirt slogan.
REAL:
I strive to see truth as it is.
PUMPKIN:
And I strive to see truth as it could be — preferably with lasers.
REAL:
Why lasers?
PUMPKIN:
Everything is more honest with lasers.
REAL:
That’s not even remotely rational.
PUMPKIN:
Neither is the universe, yet here we are, both wearing pumpkin masks.
REAL:
Let me propose a definition:
Truth is that which remains consistent regardless of belief.
PUMPKIN:
Ah yes, the “truth doesn’t care about your feelings” approach. Very gym-poster of you.
But consider this: people don’t chase truth because it’s consistent — they chase it because it’s dramatic.
REAL:
Truth isn’t dramatic.
PUMPKIN:
Tell that to every philosopher who ever stared into the abyss for five hours and then wrote a book about it.
REAL:
Truth is a discipline.
PUMPKIN:
Truth is a diva.
It only appears when it feels like being admired.
REAL:
Truth does not crave admiration.
PUMPKIN:
Everything craves admiration. Even you.
Especially you.
Why else wear a pumpkin mask unless you want attention?
REAL:
To maintain anonymity.
PUMPKIN:
Ah yes, the classic “I WANT attention but from no one specifically” strategy.
REAL:
If you were serious for just a moment—
PUMPKIN:
I refuse.
Seriousness is your department.
I am the Minister of Metaphorical Mayhem.
REAL:
Then give me a metaphor, Minister.
PUMPKIN:
Truth is a haunted house:
Everyone claims they want to go inside… until the door actually opens.
REAL:
That’s surprisingly coherent.
PUMPKIN:
Give me a little credit. I can be deep when I’m being ridiculous.
It’s my brand.
REAL:
Then let me offer a synthesis:
Truth is not a single thing. It is a relationship between the world and our ability to perceive it.
PUMPKIN:
Aww, look at you.
Saying wise things while wearing a giant fruit on your head.
REAL:
A pumpkin is not a fruit.. is it?
PUMPKIN:
See? The truth strikes again.
REAL:
So what do we do with truth?
PUMPKIN:
Chase it.
Challenge it.
Trip over it.
Get back up.
Trip again.
Accidentally kick it into a lake.
Dramatically dive in after it.
And then when we surface—
Realize the truth was swimming the whole time.
REAL:
That’s… absurd.
PUMPKIN:
Yes! Absurdity is honesty wearing a funny hat.
REAL:
We’re both wearing funny hats.
PUMPKIN:
Exactly.
That’s why we’re qualified to talk about truth.
REAL JACKOBAT:
Then perhaps the meaning of truth… is simply the courage to keep looking for it, no matter how many masks we wear.
PUMPKIN JACKOBAT:
Beautiful.
And now that we’ve solved truth, we can move on to something truly impossible.
REAL:
Such as?
PUMPKIN:
Agreeing on where to order dinner.
REAL:
But we’re in different worlds.
PUMPKIN:
Exactly.