BOOK XIII.
Follow The Leader
[1] Once upon a time in a timeless state of mind, Jack, the Pumpkin Headed Son of Earth, was backstroking in a pond of lilies. Before your very own eye, hearken to what happens hither: A lamb by the name of Shep shepherds a stupendous farm of frogs into the water.
Jack: [2] What is this frog soup? You spill on me a toad-spell? What is the meaning of this plague? Who are you, and what dost your endeavor implicate?
Shep: [3] I am Shep, and I am the shepherd of this farm of frogs. It is my duty to keep these croakers in line so as to make sure that nothing Luciferian destroys them. You see, my father had an intense mystic-thought about the frog, and he was vociferously in rapture over the metamorphosis phases of its life. He said it was magick, and so let it be – it is. I see where he is coming from, but I doth not fancy much for the role.
Jack: [4] Because it is no role! Tell me, what good do ye do, Shep, shepherding a stupendous farm of frogs? For what is the fruit that you peel and squeeze juice out of? There must be even a tiny grape somewhere.
Shep: [5] I regret to inform you that there is nowhere a grape. For I doth not know what to make of my life, and so this is all that I have – a stupendous farm of frogs.
[6] At this slick moment, a sly coyote named King slips sneakily nearby and eats Shep, the shepherding lamb. King Coyote then slickly slips sneakily somewhere south, and a second lamb arrives whose name is Herd.
Herd: [7] I am Herd, and I am the new shepherd of this stupendous farm of frogs.
Jack: [8] Death is upon you.
[9] Follow the Leader.
Herd: [10] Death is upon me? Nonsense. I am a master of my trade and a grand shepherd amongst the rest. For you see, my grandfather had an intense mystic-thought about the frog, and he was vociferously in rapture over the metamorphosis phases of its life. He thought it was magick, and so I knew that this role would eventually be coming my way. You see, I have trained to be where I am, intently. I have farmed snails and I have farmed slugs; I have farmed hermit crabs and I have even farmed little lightning bugs – just to inherit my grandfather’s stupendous farm of frogs. This is a proud moment for me.
Jack: [11] It is longed for, Herd?
Herd: [12] Nay, but it is all that I do know. Let me have it.
[13] At this slick moment, a sly coyote named King slips sneakily nearby and eats Herd, the shepherding lamb. King Coyote then slickly slips sneakily somewhere south, and a third lamb arrives whose name is Shepherd.
Jack: [14] Nay, dost not say it.
Shepherd: [15] (Flat.) I am Shepherd, and I am here to watch over my great-grandfather’s frog farm.
Jack: [16] Curse the frog farm! These croakers will take care of themselves like all nature doeth. Your soul is not here, where does your chains lead to?
Shepherd: [17] My father.
Jack: [18] Your heart, it longs, no?
Shepherd: [19] It longs.
Jack: [20] Where does it stretch to?
Shepherd: [21] It stretches to… It stretches to… Actually, I have always longed to ride on the back of a coyote.
[22] Jack steps out of the pond.
Jack: [23] Let us make haste in our travels, for it won’t be long until death is upon you like it was upon your dedicated father, and like it was upon your miserable grandfather, as well. It is important to make way into the wood.
Shepherd: [24] Are you mad? The wood is where the packs play.
Jack: [25] The light resides in the darkness.
Shepherd: [26] But… That is where the packs play.
[27] At this slick moment, sly King Coyote slips sneakily nearby.
Jack: [28] Skull and bones now or skull and bones later?
[29] Shepherd gulps, and they make way into the wood.
Shepherd: [30] I am a dead lamb.
Jack: [31] You have been a dead lamb all along. Now you live.
Shepherd: [32] Do you smell that? My heart tells me to follow my nose.
Jack: [33] Do as the heart does, Shepherd.
[34] Behold, the royal castle of a honeybee hive.
Shepherd: [35] Oh wow.
[36] By two royal honeybees, the Queen bee is carried from the sky to greet Shepherd and Jack – who bow for courtesy.
Queen Bee: [37] Boys, a whisper in the air tickled my ear and had told me that you may embark here. Noble is this path, Shepherd, and so I am assuming that you are here for your magical supply. You see, boys, the honey of my hive is a rarity, and a royal novelty. It is so rich that it dost not drip and slip and seep in order to be consumed. It cannot be consumed. We possess with pride the stickiest honey that the bee world has ever harvested.
Shepherd: [38] I am here for my supply, Queen.
Queen: [39] It is already presented for you behind the trunk of that dead tree.
[40] Jack walks behind the tree and picks up two jars of the honey.
Shepherd: [41] I think that I have an idea. But it is dark and eerie like the inside of a whale’s belly.
Queen: [42] Light resides in the darkness, boy.
Shepherd: [43] We must find out where the packs play.
[44] In concert together, a tribe of coyotes sing from afar.
Shepherd: [45] Do you hear? My heart tells me to follow my ear.
Jack: [46] Do as the heart does, Shepherd.
[47] Jack and Shepherd follow their ears and peek out an eye from behind a tree on a hill. The pack of coyotes play at the bottom in the pit.
Jack: [48] What is your plan?
Shepherd: [49] To stick a coyote to the ground.
Jack: [50] Ah, so that one may trample over it and be frozen where it stands.
Shepherd: [51] Then I will hop on.
[52] Like a professional bowler, Jack rolls one jar of honey down the hill. It bounces off of a rock, cracks, and spreads where the packs play. King Coyote walks over it unstuck and takes a lick off his paw.
Shepherd: [53] It is not powerful enough. I have failed.
Jack: [54] You are stuck in the muck? It is an immovable object? Dost you not know that an unstoppable force fates to always arrive at its destination? You are already a dead lamb one day afar, and here you are to slaughter yourself before the day is due.
Shepherd: [55] There is a yarn from a spider stuck to your foot. My heart tells me to follow my eyes.
Jack: [56] Do as the heart does, Shepherd.
[57] With their eyes, they follow the spider’s yarn, and behold: the most prolific web you have ever seen with your own two eyes within a jungle that drowns in webs.
Shepherd: [58] Oh wow.
[59] A spider named Spinner unwinds and lowers his being down to Jack and Shepherd – who bow for courtesy.
Spinner: [60] Men, a whisper in the air tickled my ear and had told me that you may embark here. Noble is this path, Shepherd, and so I am assuming you are here for your magical supply. You see, men, for I am Spinner the famous spider, and the yarn that I spin is the rarest and novelist around. It is Herculean-tough and bold, and gold, in make. For I possess with pride the strongest yarn that this world hath ever harvested.
Shepherd: [61] I am here for my supply, Spinner.
Spinner: [62] It is already presented for you behind that trunk of that dead tree.
[63] Jack walks behind the trunk and picks up the two spools of yarn.
Shepherd: [64] I think that I have an idea. But it is dark and eerie like the inside of a whale’s belly.
Spinner: [65] Light resides in the darkness, boy.
Shepherd: [66] We must go back to where the packs play.
[67] Jack and Shepherd move back to the tree upon the hill above the pit where the packs play.
Jack: [68] What is your plan?
Shepherd: [69] To lasso a coyote.
Jack: [70] Ah, then let us aim for the muzzle.
[71] Jack takes the yarn, knots the lasso, sends it flying, and rings the muzzle of King Coyote – who darts! And then turns and chomps it to pieces for liberation.
Shepherd: [72] It is not powerful enough. I have failed.
Jack: [73] You are stuck in the muck? It is an immovable object? Dost you not know that an unstoppable force fates to always arrive at its destination? You are already a dead lamb one day afar, and here you are to slaughter yourself before the day is due.
[74] One of Shepherds great grandfather’s frogs hop on by, and Shepherd falls into a trance.
Shepherd: [75] I wonder… I am… Touched with an idea. And thy heart tells me to follow thy touch.
Jack: [76] Do as the heart does, Shepherd.
Shepherd: [77] I… I am a dead lamb.
[78] Hearken here closely to the brilliant elegancy of this simple idea that Shepherd has: A lasso made of Spinner’s second spool of yarn is hidden in the dirt at the bottom of the hill where the packs play. And if you do your best to squint your eyes and eye out where the other end of the yarn does lead, you will follow it up into the sky above the pit and around a tall branch in the tall tree up on the hill where Jack and Shepherd are – but it does not end there. Because if you look to where the end of that yarn leads to after it’s made its way around that tall branch, you will follow it all the way to Shepherd, where he has it tied around his waist at the top of the hill above where the packs play.
Shepherd: [79] I am a dead lamb.
Jack: [80] You are alive.
[81] Like a professional bowler, Jack rolls the second jar of honey down the hill. It bounces off of a rock, cracks, and spreads on top of the dirt where the lasso lays hidden. From the wood, the coyotes arrive to indulge in some sticky licks.
Shepherd: [82] I am a dead lamb.
Jack: [83] You are alive.
Shepherd: [84] Pull it.
[85] Jack grabs the rope from above Shepherd’s waist, yanks it, and the lasso bellow muzzles King Coyote – and King Coyote darts! And there goes Shepherd in the sky! Shepherd hits his head on the branch, and it chokes back King Coyote who turns and chomps the yarn to pieces. Shepherd falls and sticks the landing on King Coyotes back! King Coyote bucks, and bucks, and bucks – but hear now this phantasmagoria in all of its glory:
[86] For each buck that the coyote bucks, a physical attribute changes on Shepherd:
Buck 1: Ears shorten.
Buck 2: Tail lengthens.
Buck 3: Shepherd turns into a coyote.
[87] The chaos halts, and the coyotes bend and bow in reverence to Shepherd.
King Coyote: [88] Hail, the True King Coyote.
Shepherd: [89] I am?
Jack: [90] Light resides in the darkness, King.
Shepherd: [91] I am alive.
Jack: [92] You are a dead lamb.
Shepherd: [93] Oh wow.
Great Grandfather Lamb: [94] Hail metamorphosis. Hail magick.
Abracadabra